Idle Hands


I found myself locked in steamy chats with an ex. No. We haven’t met up and we shouldn’t. He has a girlfriend and I am not going to cross that line. I have already crossed a line by continuing this form of conversation. We reminiscence about our time together. The sexual part…This one was the sexual soul mate I mentioned earlier. I would like to say that I am completely over him but I really do miss the sex. It was amazing. There is no moving forward when locked up in this kind of behavior but I can’t help but remember those savory times.

One of the moments we both remember with fondness was during the summer. He lived in an apartment with a deck. It was night, perhaps ten or eleven, or even later. We were high and perhaps a little drunk. I remember resting my back on the bars of the deck as I crouched down. He had me pinned as I performed oral. It was actually more throat fucking if anything but it gave me such a rush. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be into such a thing but I loved it. The feeling of being pinned, the feeling of not being in control. Fellatio was always a joy with him and he was always appreciative of it.

If there is anything I can recommend to women on the sexual side of things, it’s that blow jobs are a must. I have never seen a man happier than after having one to completion. Bringing one to climax with my mouth is a skill I have always been proud of and I find myself missing it. It really is an underrated thing but when you learn to love it, it really does something to the relationship…I think we are burned into each other simply for that fact. I must work on pulling myself out of this quicksand. Though I am sure nothing physical will come of this, it is not the healthiest of choices to make at the start of this new year. And I do feel very guilty. No matter what history I have with his girlfriend (very messed up), she is not deserving of this. There is no honor in this. Wish me luck…